okay wb. it worked. you manipulated me to cry my heart out last night, and i did, many times.
i am going to miss dawson's creek. i can't believe that it is over. it's true that i haven't been so faithful in watching the last couple of years, but i was the most faithful for a while there, during the beginning. i really like all the characters, even dawson! i am going to miss them!!
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watching tv and a particular scene in which death is the focal point reminded me of a certain scene of death in my own life. it's crazy that out of the blue, certain memories come back and hit you like a freakin' brick. the image of the last ultrasound. the image of my baby laying on his back with his fingers and toes in the air, laying there, without a heartbeat. and the ultrasound tech asking if i do truly want to see this, for i don't have to, she said. i had said that i did, i wanted to remember the moment.
the image seemed so final, and it was. it also seemed so devastatingly sad, the little guy no longer breathing, no longer full of life, no longer alive. will i remember him like that always? i have the other ultrasounds, although i am contemplating throwing them away. i wonder which is the more healthy, to keep them or to throw them away. i am not sure now, so i will keep them for a while. anyway, the other ultrasounds have captured the big heart beat on the little body, and they are the images that i want to remember more i think, rather than the last one.
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i am going to miss dawson's creek. i can't believe that it is over. it's true that i haven't been so faithful in watching the last couple of years, but i was the most faithful for a while there, during the beginning. i really like all the characters, even dawson! i am going to miss them!!
-----------------------
watching tv and a particular scene in which death is the focal point reminded me of a certain scene of death in my own life. it's crazy that out of the blue, certain memories come back and hit you like a freakin' brick. the image of the last ultrasound. the image of my baby laying on his back with his fingers and toes in the air, laying there, without a heartbeat. and the ultrasound tech asking if i do truly want to see this, for i don't have to, she said. i had said that i did, i wanted to remember the moment.
the image seemed so final, and it was. it also seemed so devastatingly sad, the little guy no longer breathing, no longer full of life, no longer alive. will i remember him like that always? i have the other ultrasounds, although i am contemplating throwing them away. i wonder which is the more healthy, to keep them or to throw them away. i am not sure now, so i will keep them for a while. anyway, the other ultrasounds have captured the big heart beat on the little body, and they are the images that i want to remember more i think, rather than the last one.
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