"i wish that i could stay calm in moments that test me and with people that test me". wishing didn't help.
i hung up on my youngest brother yesterday. totally pissed. he is going through this stage that irks me. i adore him, i have always been close to him, and i have always felt badly about having left the family and leaving him in essence. leaving him with mom and dad (since our other brother left soon after me), during the good and the bad. anyway, i felt as if i had let him down, not being the good older sister. at least until maybe about 5 or 6 years ago. since then i have taken him to parties with me, out to eat so he can try different food, to concerts, and cultural-y things, and ihave tried to have him spend time with robin, so that both can be friends. anyway, i try to be a good sister now, i give him advice, on all sorts of subjects, and i still hang out with him. so then why does he dissrespect me sometimes?
i realize that it is a phase in his life. a phase that makes you not as responsible, and not as considerate. a phase in which what you think is important is the only thing that is important, and that only. he is trying to find himself. i did that, hell, i am still doing that...and yes i also went through the irresponsible and inconsiderate phase...so i know that i should not be mad cause he is going through it too. but i get dissapointed when he is not as nice as i think he should be, when he does not always listen to what i am saying, and when he chooses to do things that he knows will make me mad.
i just have to keep remembering that we all go through this, and that someday soon, he will be able to be not so "me-oriented". it's just a growing phase. right? right.
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after reading that, i realized how me-oriented i sound. :(
i have not been able to explain the situation very well, it's true. i don't want to hurt him by giving details on this journal... but i think that there is a truth in that i am being "me-oriented". how frightening.
i hung up on my youngest brother yesterday. totally pissed. he is going through this stage that irks me. i adore him, i have always been close to him, and i have always felt badly about having left the family and leaving him in essence. leaving him with mom and dad (since our other brother left soon after me), during the good and the bad. anyway, i felt as if i had let him down, not being the good older sister. at least until maybe about 5 or 6 years ago. since then i have taken him to parties with me, out to eat so he can try different food, to concerts, and cultural-y things, and ihave tried to have him spend time with robin, so that both can be friends. anyway, i try to be a good sister now, i give him advice, on all sorts of subjects, and i still hang out with him. so then why does he dissrespect me sometimes?
i realize that it is a phase in his life. a phase that makes you not as responsible, and not as considerate. a phase in which what you think is important is the only thing that is important, and that only. he is trying to find himself. i did that, hell, i am still doing that...and yes i also went through the irresponsible and inconsiderate phase...so i know that i should not be mad cause he is going through it too. but i get dissapointed when he is not as nice as i think he should be, when he does not always listen to what i am saying, and when he chooses to do things that he knows will make me mad.
i just have to keep remembering that we all go through this, and that someday soon, he will be able to be not so "me-oriented". it's just a growing phase. right? right.
-------------
after reading that, i realized how me-oriented i sound. :(
i have not been able to explain the situation very well, it's true. i don't want to hurt him by giving details on this journal... but i think that there is a truth in that i am being "me-oriented". how frightening.
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