i'm going to talk about Saturday

I'm going to talk about Saturday. I had a wonderful day with the new man. Peaceful, chill, relaxing...not dramatic or forced. It was nice.

He took me to a barbeque place for lunch and then we hit a couple of garage sales, and then went to Lake Calhoun (or Bde Maka Ska whichever you choose to call it). I always marvel at how easy the conversation is between us, as if i have known him forever. I care about him alot; and he me. Does that mean anything more? i don't know, i feel as if it should be different somehow based on past relationships, but then again they didn't work did they? I am also not in a hurry. I am still officially married after all. But I won't think of it in any way other than friends as he seems to prefer, friends who are dating just each other. Whatever that is.

After a long lovely day, i went to my friend Kari's house. I've known this girl since i was in 3rd grade, when I first came to America. I really like this girl alot. Another being that I feel relaxed with; and artistically we inspired each other that night. We spoke of how to sell our products, the creative process, artistic goals. But we see each other once a year. That long marriage and motherhood took away my interest and energy in maintaining friendships.

Then I went home. As usual, I did not sleep well. I woke up around 2 and saw this on Facebook:

That's my brother Preetham at his house, having a barbeque. Nice photo right? But behind him is my ex-husband and quite close to him is my father. Ex was there, so my kids were there. And apparently everyone in my "family" was there; having an amazing time. Without me. No one told me about it, they wanted to keep it a secret from me. They had a "family gathering" without me, and chose to have my ex there instead. without me. without me at a 'family gathering".  I spent the whole of the next day crying, curled up in a ball. The new man, W, kept calling to see if I was ok...i could not "talk", i couldn't use my voice. Not even when the kids got dropped off. My father called, he must have found out that I was not happy. I did not answer. I texted Preetham and Gautham to have the parents no longer include me in family gatherings. I would prefer to not go to any of them, rather than find out things like this.

So I am left without a family to belong to a new relationship, no close friends.  I have my 3 though.  I also have me.