Painting and life

 

I love painting. i love the way my fingers flow on a white canvas. i never really know what will take place on that piece of mixed media paper/canvas. I abhor thinking before i paint, if i try to create something specific i always fail. If i let my inside, my life and soul take over i am so much happier to see the result. I don't judge myself too harshly.

I think that is my whole idea of my life and how i live. If i try too hard, i end up having expectations of making others happy, and i always fail.  I like to think that the only person i  like to make happy is myself (and my children).  i have control over myself only and how i see things. I feel such disappointment, for example, if i don't get praise or support from the people that i care about. they usually hurt me by complimenting some other painter, forgetting that i paint also and they have never said anything supportive of my work. then i go on to question my abilities, and then feel as if i failed. so...why bother? i am going to paint for me. i am going to live for me, to be the best mom that i can be, the best person that i can be. i will strive to do my best, be my best, and keep trying, for me.

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