well...my days of breast feeding are over, as of saturday 8/6/05. i know that i shouldn't have any remorse or any such emotions since i was able to do it for over an year, and with twins at that.
the problem lies in the fact that now that they don't need to feed, even once during the night,as they have been doing for the past two months...well, now i feel as if there is nothing special about me and my relationship with them. i am just like their dad, or grandparents. just a caregiver. before i provided them something that nobody else could.
i know that it's silly...i know that they come to me more than anyone else, still. i know that i will always be the mom, the one who bore them. but there is something monumental about not being to breast feed your child any longer. i think that this is something only a breast feeding mother could understand.
i do feel that i did my job well, having done it for so long. the boys are very healthy. but i feel kinda...i don't know...weird...i guess...as if my role is going to change or has changed, as if i am not as 'special' to them anymore. i'll get over it. i know. it's just a milestone for me.
on the positive side, i hope that i'll lose weight more easily. oh and the kids don't wake up as much anymore. when they do wake up, robin can't just hand them to me, where before i was the only one that could make them go back to sleep by feeding them...now he and i both have equal chances in getting them back to sleep by rocking them. hah!!!
on the negative side, my once a month thing is back,i haven't had it since 9/29/03. (more than you needed to know...it's a good thing that no one knows that i am posting again, and no one is, probably, reading this journal anymore!!)
the problem lies in the fact that now that they don't need to feed, even once during the night,as they have been doing for the past two months...well, now i feel as if there is nothing special about me and my relationship with them. i am just like their dad, or grandparents. just a caregiver. before i provided them something that nobody else could.
i know that it's silly...i know that they come to me more than anyone else, still. i know that i will always be the mom, the one who bore them. but there is something monumental about not being to breast feed your child any longer. i think that this is something only a breast feeding mother could understand.
i do feel that i did my job well, having done it for so long. the boys are very healthy. but i feel kinda...i don't know...weird...i guess...as if my role is going to change or has changed, as if i am not as 'special' to them anymore. i'll get over it. i know. it's just a milestone for me.
on the positive side, i hope that i'll lose weight more easily. oh and the kids don't wake up as much anymore. when they do wake up, robin can't just hand them to me, where before i was the only one that could make them go back to sleep by feeding them...now he and i both have equal chances in getting them back to sleep by rocking them. hah!!!
on the negative side, my once a month thing is back,i haven't had it since 9/29/03. (more than you needed to know...it's a good thing that no one knows that i am posting again, and no one is, probably, reading this journal anymore!!)
Comments
May b what u have said is true.
i like what you have to say in your blog by the way. i do miss the trains in madras! central station! the open doors! but not the bathrooms!
thanks for stopping by!
U miss the trains?????!!!!! Ok, then welcome to Chennai!